There's an old saying that talks about sorrow being the dark threads that provide contast to the bright threads that make up the tapestry of our life. I mention this because Reneè and I were discussing relationships this morning. As a social worker, she sees many different relationships in many different stages and she was talking about divorces.

She was saying, quite correctly, that we don't recognize that the divorce process generates grieving; for the loss of a relationship. While we were discussing why folks stay in a relationship, she said that the fact is there are good memories to cling to when things aren't going well.

Caveat: The following statement does not apply to any long term relationship I have been in, especially either of my marriages, at least from My point of view. I dare say there are those who could claim that it has applied to their live while being in a relationship with me.

All of that led me to the old saying about sorrows providing contrast. I agreed with her and said that she was correct  when the sorrows provided the contrast. The problem arises when things get reversed and the good things, rather than serving as the main weft and woof of the tapestry of life, serve to simply to highlight and punctuate the darkness. When that's the case, then the relationship is unhealthy.

That does not negate the need to grieve, however. It just points to the necessity of reevaluating and possibly leaving the relationship.