Convicted by God

Recently, while praying, I was convicted by God of something and I thought it would be a wonderful thing to share (and I'll get to that in a moment). But as I was thinking about how to phrase what had happened to me and I considered using the Christian Buzz Phrase <insert loud voice sounding as though it is issuing from a cave>"CONVICTED BY GOD"<normal voice>, I realized that it wasn't really that way at all.

You see, those of us who are churched, and schooled in the church, we understand the code phrases. But I can imagine the images that this phrase renders to a non-believer:

First, the setting. A desolate, wind-swept plain in the midst of a thunderstorm. And not one of those mid-summer, break the heat thunderstorms, but a full blown gale whipping around clouds so dark to make noon seem like night. Lightning striking the ground and thunder rolling and echoing in what seems to be one continous roll, punctuated by occasional claps of thunder which originate just behind your head.

Next, a human being, a pitiful speck of humanity who knows they are in trouble.

Finally, GOD. The traditional Michelangelo image of a huge, older male whose billowing robes are flung about by the wind and whose finger and beard both appear to be pointed accusingly at us.

*That's* convicted by God, and I can imagine that those who have not been raised with any knowledge of Christ's mercy would tremble and run the other way when they hear someone saying they were convicted by God, especially for some minor thing.

And, in all reality, a great deal of the time when I'm tempted to say I was convicted by God, what I really mean to say is God lovingly pointed out what I didn't want to acknowledge. Take, for example, what happened earlier this week.

I was driving along in the car, praying about the Adams county pastor in the hospital. And I was praying that he be healed, that his healing would be a testimonial to the power of God to intervene in our daily lives.

Then, almost as an afterthought, I added, "But God, Your will be done. Amen." That's when it happened. "God convicted me." Well, okay, that still small voice that God uses far more frequently than the Booming, Wake The Dead and Perhaps the Living voice said to me, "What does Amen mean?"

And I thought about it. And I thought some more. You see, while Godwill sometimes tell us we're wrong, more often than not He takes the role of a gentle teacher, asking those questions that make us think and force us to acknowledge something that we might know but don't want to admit. You see, I knew Amen roughly translates into "So Be It", but I didn't really want it to be. I wanted there to be a miraculous healing. If it was God's will that something else happen, I didn't want that.

And, with God's gentle prescence there, I thought back to the weekend I had just experienced with Ron Rand. Ron had the men use nails and literally pound them to the cross to represent items in our life that we were giving up to God.

But how often do I give my burden of guilt to God to carry, say Amen, and pick it up again. How often to I request something of God with the words, "Your Will Be Done, Amen" fearing that because, although intellectually I recognize that God will always do what is best for me, I still want what I want and can be scared that what God has to give me will be something I don't like.

And God, the Gentle Teacher who is with us far more often than the Condemning Judge, He said, in the same quiet voice, "That's a start."

And so, as I have been praying, my conscience has convicted me to really think about what my prayer requests are and to consider what the words "Your will be done" can mean. Sometimes it means offering up my prayer again to God as a sacrifice because I know that what I am praying for (a friend's health, a healed relationship for someone, etc) may *not* be God's will, but that God's will is always for the greater good.

Just my random musings.

May the Lord bless you and fill you with His joy,